Sunday, January 31, 2010

The unknown

I woke up feeling like my arms were made of steel. Not because they are in shape and fine tuned either.

I can only sleep on my left side, so by morning I feel a bit numb all over.

I’m happy to report this is the extent of my sleeping problems during pregnancy.
Sleeping is NOT a problem. Getting out of bed and feeling my arms and legs is.

In getting ready for church this morning I admired my “roundness” in the mirror. I am a lot bigger than I thought. Wearing pj’s day in and out has really contributed to image denial.
I gave up on nylons- they manage to make me feel like I want to kill something by the time they are on straight- no matter how skinny I am.

So today I wore knee highs.

“I have the legs of a Grandma.” I thought as I posed for the mirror.

“Sam, how do I look?” I dare ask.

I’m sure he replied with something nice but all I remember was his reference to my Granny legs.

I was right, I looked like a Granny.

My ankles have transformed into cankles.

Pregnancy really takes over my body. I gain a lot of weight. More than the expected 30lbs.
I’m ok with that.
I watch with wonder as my image takes on a new shape. It’s amazing how big a belly can get.

In a way I don’t feel like my body is mine anymore. It belongs to the baby for now.

I am just as surprised with the changes as anyone.

I’m happy I feel good. I happy we are healthy. I’m happy to be a Granny for a few more months.

I know my body will return. If I hadn’t done this 3 times before I’d be a little concerned, but it always bounces back.

Pregnancy is an honor.

Carrying this child without knowing the gender has forced me to pay more attention to feelings. I know nothing about this unborn child except that it is from God.

But I have special feelings and a bond toward this baby that is so sweet. I can feel I am carrying a “person”,
a Child of God. A Spirit that needs me right now.

Not knowing the gender has kept me from daydreaming of the future boy or girl. I’m not falsely creating personality or assumptions of how it will fit into our family.

This baby’s Spirit is felt and is very real.

I look forward to the day more is revealed but I already feel I know my baby.

My kind of Day

January 31, 2010 5:18 PM

Yesterday was my kind of day!! A day with nothing planned and all day to get my house clean. It was a day I didn’t even look in the mirror or change from my pajamas.
A day I didn’t worry about meals because Sam takes over in the kitchen.
A day the kids clean their room, bathroom, livingroom, dust, take out the garbage and vacuum.

I get to the junk drawers, laundry, bills, organizing the attic and other time consuming things I don’t start during the week because I know I will be interrupted by other activities or schedules.

At the end of the day I sat by the fire happy to be a bit more organized in a clean house and completely stuffed from a delicious Mexican dinner I didn’t fix!

I love that my kids can clean a room as well as I can and my husband cooks better than me!

I love that THEY made my kind of day!

Friday, January 29, 2010

Photo of the Week

We were HAPPY to get a fresh dump of snow yesterday morning.
I don't mind the snow as long as the blue sky shows up every once in awhile. I am pleased with winter this time around.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Den Leader

January 26, 2010 8:31 PM

Tuesday’s we have Scouts. I am the Den Leader for the 8 year old Wolves, and have been for the past year. I don’t really mind being the Den leader.
Because I am the Den leader I don’t have a Sunday calling, which means I show up and enjoy the full 3 hours of Enlightenment.
I think that’s the best part of being a Den Leader.

It’s easy enough that I almost forget EVERY week that we have to go.

Sometime on Monday the light goes on and I remember I need to plan Scouts.

Tuesday after school we eat a snack, I try to prepare dinner (or get it mostly prepared) and gather up the kids and go.
For an hour I get to instruct 8 boys on how to serve God, their Country and Community. (watch them run like maniacs in the gym. They are like magnets to a ball. No one can pay attention if a ball is in the room. very strange)

I realized today that Tuesdays are my lazy days. I never have my hair done on Tuesday. So, week after week my Den AND their parents see me on a grunge lovely.

Go Akela.

Monday, January 25, 2010


Lately I have been tired enough to choose sleeping on the COUCH rather than my BED!

I’ll admit I have even shared a few Moons with the recliner too.

I feel a little separation between me and the bed.

I don’t know that I can place my finger on the issue but there are feelings that need to surface.

Something just isn’t right.

I don’t like BEDTIME.

Last night I slept the entire night with my head at the foot of the bed.

It’s as if I am trying to trick myself mentally that I am NOT really “in” bed.

I have always had issues with bed time. I have a hard time shutting down. When I lived at home it really irritated me when my mom would turn off all the lights at 10pm and go to bed. aka: Put the house to bed.

I don’t like the whole routine of it all.

Ideally, I like to fall asleep when and where I am -when I feel sleepy.

“Falling Asleep“ means stay where you are when you dose off. It doesn’t require checking all the locks on the doors, turing off lights, changing into pajamas, or setting the alarm. All that mumbo jumbo wakes you right back up!

I love falling asleep next to Sam on the couch, or with a book in hand. Nothing scheduled about it.

For several years Sam would try to wake me and have me move into the bedroom if I fell asleep. Now he knows better.

”If I am asleep on the bathroom floor-LEAVE me there!“ I would tell him.

It seems as if he has taken to my sleeping theory lately.

I find after long chats on the couch we both doze off and I wake up to lights on and Sam right next to me, or I find him under the reading light with book in hand at wee hours of the morning snoozing away.

That is peaceful sleep to me. That means total relaxation.

Brushing, changing, locking doors, checking on kids, saying prayers, setting the alarm and even QT with the hubby can be done BEFORE bedtime.

Bedtime is when you ARE asleep!

Too add to my quirkiness I also sleep better if I don’t know what time it is. I’ll avoid looking at the clock if I can. I feel better in the morning if I don’t know the hours I did or didn’t get.
My body tells me if I need more or less. Sam thinks my sleep meter is broken. I could easily use 12 hours a night. (and a nap would be nice)

So, there is my bedtime drama.

Am I normal?

January 25, 2010 7:53 PM

A Good day

January 25, 2010 6:24 PM

Getting out of bed is a whole lot easier when you know your kitchen is clean.

Monday feels good when all you have on the agenda is visiting teaching.

Swimming with goggles that fit make exercise a whole new experience.

Rain all day calls for oversized football sweats and slippers.

Dinner when Dad is out of town is Cream of Wheat.

Heartburn with Tums is what I had for dessert.

Bedtime an hour early with no one noticing is a sneaky move!!

The rest of the evening all to myself....HEAVENLY!

Going to bed in a clean house and a breakfast date with a friend makes tomorrow already wonderful!!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

photo of the week

This is my late posting of my photo for the week.
Blue sky and a church in NYC. If you look closely the picture isn't so tranquil!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Vaccinations- my Reading

Last night I spent the evening reading a book about vaccinations.
It’s titled “What you Doctor may Not tell you about Children’s Vaccinations.“

I need to have a Medical record ready for Jace to enter Kindergarten and I know they aren’t going to like that he hasn’t been immunized completely.

Jarom and Jennica are fully immunized but I stopped half way through with Jace. I really didn’t feel good about them but didn’t have the knowledge so I just didn’t get them.

I have read a few books this past year and feel very strongly against most vaccinations and the ”One size fits all“ shot requirements the State demands.

I will refuse shots on the new baby until it’s older. Absolutely NO shots at the Hospital!!!!

I feel better prepared to make decisions and fight my position with the school.

Some shots are ok but NEVER more than one at a time, and I will wait till the child is Older. Like 2 before I start.

Another book I have read is
Vaccinations A Thoughtful parents guide.

I DO NOT like how vaccines are made nor that they think every child needs EVERY shot.

No wonder we have so many disabilities and sickness with kids these days.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Photo of the week

Shadows were fun on this day! It was January but felt like a beautiful Spring Day. We played in the SNOW without coats!

This is Super Hero Jace and his bike. (Never mind the large leaf on the ground-clearly I missed that!)

Friday, January 15, 2010

disappear- A "Mommy Magic" Story

I have a four year old that is very clever.

He thinks he can make himself disappear and reappear.

He tells me to look away and when I do he runs out of the room. He is convinced I truly believe he has disappeared!

It’s so cute to see him display his magical talent.

This week he decided he was exempt from house rules. He didn’t make his bed or clean up his room. He refused to do it. After two days of toys, and clothes thrown on his floor I decided I had to flex some mommy muscle and get him moving.

“Jace, today is the day!” I cheered.

“Today is the day for what?” he questioned with just as much excitement as I.

“Today you get to make that mess in your room disappear!” I proclaimed with a hint of magical wonder.

He stared into my face with a bit of stupor but quite a bit of amusement.

“You do know how to make things disappear, right?” I questioned.

He didn’t answer. He kept that secret to himself.

“Go see if you can make all the legos disappear in your room.”

Still no answer, just a sly smile.

“Come tell me when your done.“ I stated with complete confidence in his magical ability.

Off he ran into his room.

A few min later a very proud, confident boy strutted into my room and announced he had completed his task!

”What?!!“ I exclaimed in wonder. ”You DID it, already?“

This really fueled the fire. Soon he was jumping up and down begging me to challenge him to another task.

Next came the clothes, trucks, books, dress ups, and finally the bed!

He made them ALL disappear!


He is so clever!

Something to swallow...

I knew I was onto something!

Today I paid a visit to my Dr.

It has been a month since I was there. Just before Christmas to be exact.

The nurse and I had a good laugh when I stepped onto the scale.

She didn’t believe the scale....I DID!

She had me remove my shoes, empty my pockets and try again.

Same results.

“My, you must of had some great Christmas!” She commented.

The past few weeks flashed through my mind.

Sam was home. That means he did most the cooking!

I dined on bacon, eggs, and pancakes most mornings. Ham, potatoes, bread, donuts, and pies; just to name a few.

One week I was hooked on Root-beer- I NEVER drink carbonation but I was drinking it like water!

The scale was telling the truth. The WHOLE truth. We (the nurse and I) were laughing like little school girls about it.

My past visits to the scale have been 3 or 4 pounds gained for the month.

I am stepping into my 3rd Trimester, so weight gain is to be expected,

Just NOT half the total weight goal!!

I gained 15lbs!!!!

It’s good being pregnant!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Something to chew on

I rushed to the grocery store for one item needed for dinner...Monterey Jack Cheese.

As I hurried to the Entrance a table was set up just outside the doors with a young woman collecting money for the Earthquake victims in Haiti.

As I passed her she kindly said to me, “Please consider this when you leave.”

I immediately knew I wasn’t going to contribute because I was using a debit card and never carry cash.

Then my mind was refocused to getting in and out of the store as fast as I could.

I found the cheese, stood in line longer than I wanted and was soon on my way out.

As I approached the doors, I saw the woman again, and she politely asked if I’d like to contribute. I held up the debit card and said, “Sorry no cash.”

She sweetly replied she understood as I walked away.

Feeling a “little” guilty I wondered if these charities are a success anymore with the wide use of credit cards and debit cards.
I think I’d be more willing to hand over cash if I was ever carrying it.

Just as these thoughts entered my mind and before I got 10 yards away from this woman I spotted a $20 bill in the parking lot!

“You know what?” I called out as I picked it up. “Looks like you just gained $20.”
I returned to her table and dropped the money into her collection box.

I felt good about the exchange until I told Sam about it.

He teased me about taking the easy way out.
“It’s easy to give away someone else’s money isn’t it? No sacrifice, commitment, or risk.”

Suddenly my good deed didn’t feel so good.

He’s right...

It probably would have felt a lot better to ask for cash back when buying my block of cheese and donate my own money.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


It’s official...I am really pregnant.

Sure I’ve been aware of this condition for the past 28 weeks, but as of TODAY it really counts.

Today I woke up after having 9 hours rest and slowly made it through scripture study and breakfast. I Got the kids to school and plopped down on the couch for another 2 1/2 hour nap.

I was OUT. At one time I awoke to a snort I must have caused as I switched positions. I tried really hard to open my eyes to see what the clock read but they didn’t hold up well. It was easier to just return to the comatose state I came from.

Finally at 11:30am I felt I could give the day another try.

I put on my moon boots and coat and headed for the car before I changed my mind. I desperately needed to go grocery shopping.
Sam called while I was out and offered lunch. I declined, partly because I didn’t think I’d get my shopping complete and partly because I didn’t want him to see me this way.

It doesn’t take much for him to convince me of anything. After a quick stop to Costco I was on my way to meet my handsomely dressed husband in my moon boots and unkept face.

Lunch was yummy. I didn’t realize I was so hungry. I was staring at my empty plate a few minuets later wondering if I was full.

As I watched Sam fidget with his Blackberry, across the table, I wondered what his morning was filled with. Just by his appearance it was obvious he had accomplished more than me.

Would it be fair for him to know what I had been up to all morning?

All I have to say is: “I’m holding the baby.” and I’m excused of any situation. That’s our understood “code word” for pregnancy situations aka: get out of jail free card. I use it often. He always smiles and picks up the slack.

Today I literally feel like I am “holding the baby.“ I feel the weight of it in a different way. My belly makes sudden jumps visible to others, as if this child is kicking it’s way out.

Mom called me after lunch. We laughed about how time has crept up on me.
I have plenty more growing to do the problem is I’m running out of space.

I went swimming again this evening. It felt so wonderful! My body is able to stretch in the water in a way that can’t be done otherwise.
While in the water I was the locker-room it was a different story.

I had a hard time reaching my feet and a harder time getting them into my socks. When I dressed to my surprise I found my belly hanging out of my maternity shirt!!

Refreshed, nonetheless, I picked my kids up from the play room and headed home for dinner.

I waddled today. I felt it.
Today I feel pregnant!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


It’s January

It’s Cold

It’s Snowy

I’m 28 weeks pregnant

I’m grumpy.

I found a new happy place. I like to swim. I didn’t like to swim when training for Triathlons but the water is the only place my body feels free anymore.

I swim laps for 30min. Since I’m doing this for exercise sake (not a time) I find my mind and body really enjoy swimming.

It’s great to be at the gym and be lost in my own thoughts instead of being bombarded with TV monitors and music.

I just need to get used to my body weight when I climb out of the pool. I’m a little tipsy trying to get back to the locker room.