(This post is a spin-off a previous post titled B+ Mom in A+ community, read it
here)
A few weeks ago I received a phone call from the Elementary school. The phone call mothers don’t like to get.
It’s the phone call informing you your child has been up to no good.
It went something like this:
Teacher: “Mrs. Hobi, this is Jarom’s teacher. We’ve had a few problems with Jarom this morning at school I want to let you know about.“
Me: ”Yes?“ Wondering what happened TO him.
Teacher: ”At morning recess he was heard using swear words to another boy.“
Me: ”JAROM was?“ (completely shocked, as any mother would be)
Teacher: ”Yes, he said Shit.“
Me: ”JAROM????“ (Positive they had the wrong boy.)
Teacher: he did admit he said it and was pretty emotional about it. I don’t know if there are other things going on at home that.....
I’m not really listening, my mind is searching for an answer. Nothing about this seemed right. He admitted he said it?!?!
I’m replaying the past week in my mind. He stayed at home sick. He was in bed for almost 3 days straight reading. (The kicker is he was reading the Children’s Bible and illustrated Book of Mormon. ) He isn’t the typical 7 year old. We are so blessed to have him.
My thoughts searched for an answer where he could have picked up this word. We don’t have a TV in the house, we strictly control the content of Media he is exposed to, and most importantly neither my husband or myself have EVER used this word. (well.....maybe pre-marriage on a really bad day)
Me: “I am very surprised to hear this. I have never heard him use swear words.”
Teacher: “Well, he had another issue this afternoon. While eating lunch he was waving his middle finger.”
Me: “You are kidding me!”
Now I’m envisioning him standing on the benches giving all the teachers a piece of his mind. Again- totally out of character.
She made it clear he was reprimanded for his behavior and mentioned he was crying and said he told her he didn’t know it was bad.
I jumped in and confirmed that he DIDN’T know what it meant!! Why would he? He’s only seven!!!
After hanging up the phone I was furious inside. Not at my son, but at the teachers. They all assumed he was guilty. I was sorry my good kid got disciplined so harshly because I knew he wouldn’t do these things.
When he got home from school I sat down with him and asked him to tell me about what happened.
He started to cry and said he got in big trouble for saying something. I asked him to tell me what he said.
Apparently he learned his lesson because he didn’t want to tell me the word he used.
I reassured him he wouldn’t get in trouble, but I needed to hear the word he said.
Reluctantly he said the word he used was, “Shut up!”
“Shut up?” I repeated almost laughing. “That’s not the word your teacher said you used.”
“It’s not?“ he questioned back. ”What word did she say I used?“
”It doesn’t matter what she said, I’ll believe what you tell me.“ I answered
Then he told me what actually took place.
”Mom you know when you get really upset and you say something really fast after you think it and then you wish you didn’t say it?
Well, Joe (name was changed) was teasing me at recess. He said I liked girls and pushed me. He kept saying that and pushing me and it made me really mad.
The last time he said it I yelled: “Shut Up!”
Then I covered my mouth and said "oops." Because I knew I shouldn’t have said that to him.
He ran away and told the teacher and she got really mad at me and told me I was in trouble.“
I asked him if his teacher told him what word it was he shouldn’t say. He said, “No, she just asked me if I said the ”S“ word.”
At this time I wanted to hug him to death. My sweet boy was totally misunderstood.
In our home ”Shut Up“ is a swear word. This boy, Joe, is a boy I know and I know his parents. I have heard foul language used by his mother, so what I think happened was Joe saw Jarom cover his mouth and say opps and Joe’s version of a swear word, which was told to the teacher, came forward. Not ”Jarom’s" swear word.
Did the teacher ever ask Jarom what word he used?
No.
She went with the story and Jarom came home believing “Shut Up” can really get you in trouble! (Not a bad lesson)
I left it at that. This is where my B+ grade comes in.
I decided not to educated my seven year old on foul language, even though it is evident teachers think these little ones have them in their vocabulary.
I will continue to “manage” my children and protect them from the Media and Pop Culture because I can and I think they will turn out the better someday.
The story of the middle finger is legit. He does it at home, it’s a pointer finger. Harmless.
Imagine his terror:
Mom, I don’t even know what I did wrong. I was eating my lunch and had my hands on my lap and was moving my arms (side note: Jarom is a flapper. When he gets excited he pumps his arms up and down his side or he flaps like a bird. Quite funny, he seems oblivious that he is doing it. He has done this since he was a toddler) then the boy next to me went and told the lunch lady I was doing something wrong!“
.... Is pointing with my middle finger bad? he asked inquizzitivly.
She said it was bad!
She got close to my face and yelled really loud that I was not to EVER do that!
It scared me Mom, she was really mean.
Poor kid, he learned a lot that day. Doesn’t it stink when good kids get mistreated?
Shame on me for not exposing them to the “finger” and the “S” word by age seven! What kind of mother am I?? I can see our next Family Home Evening lesson going something like this:
Today we are going to teach you words and gestures you should NEVER use...
I guess all the A+ moms have already taught these lessons, that’s why his classmates had one up on him.
Ahh, School of Hard Knocks. Welcome to Life!
