Insanity

 

in·san·i·ty [in-san-i-tee]

   the condition of being insane;  a derangement of the mind. 

Given my current state of mind, and recent contact with a Physiologist, I think it only fitting that I take on a new workout challenge called INSANITY!

I'm hearing exercise is a great step in improving depression. 

I gave it a try...didn't last long. (humm...imagine that!)  

I pulled a no show for a Triathlon I signed up for (and got 15 other people to sign up for too..sorry!) and apparently left some friends hanging this morning for a bike ride!!  ( Just read the email about meeting outside my house at 7am. oops!) 

I'm pathetic! 

Sam is such a stud right now.  He's almost done with P90X.  He lost a lot of weight and gained a lot of MUSCLES!! (woot woot!)  I watch him manage every calorie that enters his mouth, as I relish in my ice cream addiction.

        

My drug of choice is ice cream.  I putter around like Eeyore all day and then snuggle up to a pint (never less) of Ben and Jerry's.  I seriously feel so much better after my pint is gone.  It even cured my "I've-been-crying-all-day-head-ache" that tortured me for about 5 hours.

Some people go to alcohol, or drugs, to escape their depression.  i totally get it.  

This one is my favorite.  I eat it right out of the carton!

I'm stuck in the cycle of feeling down so I eat ice cream to feel better for the night then wake up and start counting the hours till I can escape in my ice cream again.  (I'll never break it out mid-day.  I would have to share it! :)  

See, isn't this addictive behavior?  Maybe I should start attending Addictive Recovery Classes!

Thankfully, ice cream isn't as harmful as alcohol or drugs, but I escape to it probably just the same and it is leaving it's mark on my body.

It's been 3 months since my depression set in, and today I took a good look in the mirror.  I literally did...

I went to Kohl's and tried on a few items.  I had no idea my body looks the way it does!  There's something about those changing room lights!

I can tell you right where the ice cream is sitting!! 

I've got to get my life back! 

I did exercise yesterday and today (does learning Hannah Montana's Hoedown Throwdown Dance count??) and I'll admit they were my more productive days. (Productive to a LOW standard...I never got out of my pj's)

Insanity is a 60 day workout which includes a nutrition plan.  That's just what I need.  I'm pretty sure B&J won't be showing up on the menu!  And it takes the work out of Meal ideas!  

I HATE COOKING MEALS!!!

The "normal ME" likes a good workout and can handle a challenge so this might kick my butt, but I'm really hoping that it kicks my butt in gear!

Maybe this will be enough to self-medicate the depression.??

I know it's crazy to do something as extreme as Insanity.  I hear it's HARD.  I'm actually excited to DO something for once!

Fingers and toes make me look bad

Why is it hard for me to remember to clip my children’s fingernails and toenails?

They stay hidden until piano lessons, where they are grossly displayed week after week- on all 3 kids!.

“Ugh!” I cringe inside.  How do I miss that at home?!

After weeks of embarrassment I vow to arrive to piano with all 30 fingers neatly cut and CLEAN!

I don’t remember about this vow until we’re in the car to the next weeks piano lesson and I pass out baby wipes with instructions to dig under the nail!

The rest of the drive I am trying to visualize myself cutting their nails in hope that it will get me closer to action.

The problem is I can’t find those darn clippers!  They are never around when I need them!  Or when I do have them the kids aren’t around!

I do remember holding a pair (like a new found treasure) and making a deliberate effort to place them where I could return to them at a later time.  Problem is...I can’t remember where that deliberate place is!?!

Should be obvious right?  In a drawer?  On the piano?  Nope!

None of my kids like their toes to be touched.  They retract their feet every time I go for their nails.  I don’t get it.

Toenails are gross, fingernails are too. 

They make me look like a bad mother.

They scream: “My Mom lets me do whatever I want!  I don’t even need to take a bath!”

You know the school teachers aren’t seeing the grime under their nails and blaming it on the kids!  It’s that crazy mother that doesn’t keep up on  hygiene!

I don’t even want to go to the dirt patches behind the ears!

Looking forward to the long days at the pool where the chlorine will do the dirty work for me! haha!

Great things

Great things are happening in the Hobi Home!
Sometimes I am up all night working on "Project India" and other nights I'm in bed before the baby.
Most my blog posts are geared to India these days.  Swing on over to www.EmberInIndia.blogspot.com to see what we've been up to.

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Fears

My new baby was past due for a feeding.  I considered myself lucky that she was still sleeping and busied myself about the house trying to pick up as much as I could before she would monopolize my arms again.

All the while inside I was uneasy.

I went to the bottom of the stairs and listened for a cry.

Nothing.

I continued to clean but still felt uneasy.

I decided I would go wake her.

When I got to the top of the stairs tears filled my eyes when I heard her faint cry.

She had been crying for me.

I rushed into the room to find she had worked her way under the comforter I pulled back to avoid this very scenario. 

She was just far enough under no matter how she turned her head she coudn’t escape it.

I was so angry at myself.  I was so angry I wasn’t there when she needed me.

I didn’t hear her cry from the stairs  because her cry was muffled.

I picked her up and cried with her, wondering how long she had been in distress.

I never want to feel that feeling again.

Today my baby is almost two years old. 
Today, I just realized the result of this event is showing up in her life.

I spent two hours on the phone Friday with my Homeopathy Doctor discussing Jennica’s health. 

To better understand what remedies would work for Jen she asked me tons of questions about her life.  

Things like:

What kind of baby was she?  How were her sleeping habits, was she grumpy as a child?  Does she make friends easily?

What does she dream about? What does she like to do in her spare time?  Does she like to be held or does she prefer her space?

Curious, I asked her why these answers matter.  She explained understanding a childhood could uncover situations that may have caused stress that show up in your body or behavior later.

We picked through Jennica’s life searching for something that would give insight to her weight gain.

It wasn’t until this afternoon I made a connection to Abi.

To this day she hates having her shirts pulled over her head.  She whimpers when it’s time to put her head through the shirt.  I never understood why.

Today it all made sense.  It was the blanket she was stuck under as a 2 month old.

Knowing this doesn’t make her fear go away but it does give me more understanding.

It’s my responsibility as her parent to work with her to overcome this fear.  I am so sad I had part in creating this fear but thankful the Lord showed it to me today.

She was easy.  I didn’t have to go too far back to find this issue.  The hard part is figuring out YEARS of mistakes made on the other kids.

I’m reminded at how delicate little children are.  One bad day from me could show up on them down the road.  

Being a parent is tough work!

I wish I had this insight 4 kids ago!  I’d count to 10 more often and give more hugs!

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I know this letter is a bit unconventional, but I have an urgent matter to discuss with you.

 My kitchen is requiring way too much of my time!

As you know, I am a mother of 4 growing kids.  My life is too short to be living in the kitchen!

If I spent the required time it takes to keep my kitchen clean I’m afraid I would miss out on all the cute songs my baby sings, the practices at the piano, and the sports my boys participate in.

I’ve put some thought into the situation and have decided all I REALLY want for the rest of my life is a Kitchen Fairy.  I’m pretty sure this isn’t a “HOT ITEM”, in fact I’ve never heard of anyone having one so the supplies won’t be in high demand.

I’m willing to forfeit the Tooth Fairy (she’s been great by the way.) the Easter Bunny (He never shows up) and the Hobi Hobbit ( the kids will kill me!) 

I’m pretty sure IF I had the Kitchen Fairy I would be the best girl EVER.

My husband would love it because I would actually paint my nails like the other women who don’t do dishes, and he wouldn’t trip over the dishwasher door that is left open more times than not.

My Kids would love it because I would be more loving from sun up to sun down.  I wouldn’t have the mess staring at me all day long, and I wouldn't get so annoyed when it was time to eat.  

I can handle the rest of the house, for now.  I’ll ask the MR. for the Housekeeper when baby #5 comes around.

The make and model can be up to you...just don’t make me look bad.

You’re the BEST!

Ember                          

PS: Shipping and Handling is FREE if delivered tomorrow!

Oh, and one more thing...My Mom fits the description of a "Kitchen Fairy" I tested her out last summer and she was wonderful.  Either send her to me or send her a man.  

Last day

I enjoyed my week of "Staycation"  

I think the kids enjoyed it too.  The weather here has been fantastic!

They've been riding bikes, playing football, and blowing bubbles

outside like it was Spring.

Jace asked if he could play water games outside-it wasn't that warm, but the air obviously felt different to him.

Jennica has mastered the Hula-Hoop!  She can even do it while looking bored!

  Abi has become addicted to frozen Strawberries pulls on you till you follow her into the kitchen then she bats her pretty eyes and signs "More Strawberries please"

I have red handprints all over my walls. 

NEW RULE: Abi only gets strawberries while sitting in her highchair!

Jace has been pretending to be Wonka, hiding golden tickets around the house. 

(No candy to be found though)

He put on the Dr. Seuss Hat and carried a skii pole for a cane.

(Missed that photo opportunity)

Sam took over in the kitchen this weekend.  I love that my Man can cook!

I found Abi sitting alone at the table snacking on cheese while she waited for dinner to be ready.

Today is Presidents Day.  This means no school and no work.  All the Hobi’s were at home.

Sam and Jarom spent most the afternoon playing basketball, Jennica and Jace played out in the yard, Abi took a nap all afternoon and I cleaned all day.

I took another shot at the jump rope workout and liked it a lot better today. (No accidents! ha!) With the right music I think jumping is a good workout.  Instead of 1 song I went through 3 and then did some lunges.

I feel so much better when I exercise!  It got me moving the rest of the day.

For Family Home Evening we played a new game called What’s Yours Like?

We had a good time.  I ended as the CHAMPION this round!  It’s a fun game for bigger kids.  Our youngest is 6 and only needed a little help.

 Root beer Floats for dessert!  Jarom's favorite.

  Tomorrow better be kind to me.  I'm out of practice with schedules.