On my way home

In a few hours I'm back to the airport. Back to life.

Is it bad that I thoroughly enjoyed my 6 days away?

Is it bad that didn't miss my kids at all? (I knew they were perfectly safe with dad)

Last night was the only night I didn't sleep well.

I lay awake thinking of all the things I would be faced with when I return.

I'm amazed at how easy it was for me to shut it all out when I walked out of my home.

I needed this quiet, slow time away.

Hopefully I'll give more tender hugs and have a rejuvenated bounce in my step when I return....

after I give dad a BIG THANK YOU!!! (and send him off to the gym)

My Trip

From one end of the Country

 

To the other

 

I'm in Heaven in both places!

Olivia

 

For the past five days I have been away.

Away from schedules, email and my family.

My stay in California has been so peaceful. I do what 2 month old Olivia does.

My days have been filled with naps, feedings, kisses and SUN.

Naps for myself, feedings from great resturants, and kisses for my brand new niece Olivia, in the warm SUN!

I’m not sure why I packed a bag. I’ve been in my pj’s most the time.

One morning Olivia seemed to be on New York time so she and I sat together in her room and played till the sun came up, while her mom and dad slept on.

I enjoyed this moment with her. Perhaps, because I wasn’t a new mother deprived of sleep, banking on each baby blink to be the last for another few hours of desperatly needed rest.

I loved holding, kissing and rocking her as the morning light changed the shadows on the wall.

I held her in my arms long after she fell asleep and watched her breath.

Babies are so wonderful.

Olivia has brought to surface many memories of my own babies. The grunts, the smells, the burps and toots.

It all came back to me.

I haven’t been a new mother in a long time but it all came back so naturally.

Feeling my own little one nudge and push within is a sweet reminder that my “mothering nights” are not over.

I am so thankful for that.

Freaky Friday's

 

I am not a big fan of Halloween, but for the kids I try to have a little fun with it.
This year’s October theme was Freaky Friday’s!

Each Friday in Oct we would do something “Halloweenish.“
The First Friday of the month I surprised the kids with a decorated house. Our BIG spider from last year went up again in the Entry. I found a fun Shower curtain and hand towels for the bathroom and stickers for their bedroom windows.

 

Other weeks we had a Freaky Friday family dinner by candle light or a freaky Friday Movie night.
Each Friday after school snack was something yummy like donuts and apple cider, muffins or pie!

 

Halloween turned out ok. We went out early because we wanted to be home early. We were knocking on doors by 5pm and back home by 6pm.

After just one neighborhood all three of our kids looked like zombies. No smiles, no running from door to door. Just bored to death looks on their faces. They were the party poopers this year. Before long they were asking, ”How much longer?”
We did two small streets total and called it quits.
Called in for Indian food and headed home for dinner and a movie.

 

 

 

Once we got home it became clear Jarom was not feeling well. Fever.


We all snuggled on the living room floor with our candy and watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

The kids were in bed by 8pm.

My kind of Halloween!

it's all MY fault

Today was one of THOSE days for me. It rubbed me the wrong way at 6am when Jennica stood at my bedside whispering like a broken record: “Mom, is today a day off?” Increasing her volume with each chant.
Indeed today was a day off for the kids, because of Election Day, but turned out to be everything but that for me!!

At Family Scripture study it was all MY fault that it was cold, or someone was hungry.

At breakfast it was all my fault the Orange Juice had a mango flavor added to it.

After bath time it was all MY fault someone’s clothes were all wet because they didn’t dry off with the towel first.

It was all MY fault that bedrooms were a mess and needed attention!

By 8:30am I managed to really mess things up in our home!

While I was braiding Jennica’s hair I tried to convince myself things would get better. I sang “There is sunshine in my Soul Today” while she yelled at me, and while Jace and Jarom were fighting in the hall. It was picture perfect family chaos!
I saw Sam walk past the door on his way out to work and for once wished I were in his shoes. I bet he felt good about going to work at that moment too.

I put myself in Time Out a few times today and wondered if today is a result of a Pregnancy Moment or were my kids really that bad?
As I sit here locked in my room, snuggled in bed eating dounuts and blogging, I can’t help but admit IT IS ALL MY FAULT. I am having a pregnancy moment that is lasting a little too long.
If Mama ain’t happy aint nobody happy!

I need a vacation and how lucky am I that I have one coming up this weekend!!
I’m off to Sunny California ALONE to visit my Sis-in-law and her new baby!
My bags are packed. And I think my kids will be happy to see me go too.

Today I had my anatomy Ultrasound and thought it would be nice to bring the kids along. (I thought that yesterday, today I felt no such feelings)
I managed to make a mess of that too. I was kindly informed (with an irritated tone) that the Hospital will not allow visitors under the age of 18, due to the Swine Flu problems, but they would make exceptions for me JUST for today. (Did they think I’d want to come back tomorrow with all my kids and just hang out??)
I took that as her kind way of telling me she was irritated I had 3 kids with me coughing in her office.
I get that. I was irritated I had three kids with me too!
And who would believe me if I told them my child had not be coughing ALL morning till that moment in her office?

So, there I sat admiring Hobi baby #4 during the ultra sound with my other THREE buzzing around the room, more interested in what’s in my purse and all those buttons on the machine than the black and white movements on the TV.
Why did I think they would be into this?
I had to explain everything to Jace. He was a little freaked out that the baby was in the TV and not my belly anymore!
Then I had to enforce the Quiet game with a huge bribe so they would stop asking questions and let me and the doctor get through the session.

Hobi baby #4 is looking good. All parts are there, with a special request not to reveal the “Private Parts.” At one moment I felt it was a boy and I was thrilled, but before long I changed my mind and thought it was a girl and felt equally thrilled. I can’t wait (but I will) to see what #4 will be.

Whatever it is, I’m sure it won’t blame ME for everything, right?

Mom and Me.

I am the sixth out of seven from the Taylor Tribe. I have five brothers and one sister.
I lived life in the fast lane always trying to keep up or act “Big enough.”

No matter how you dice it I am the “little sister.” Although I am thirty years old, with a family of my own, I don’t think my family see’s me as I really am.

That’s the price you pay to live out of state.

I wonder, sometimes, what it would be like to have family close by. What would it be like to bump into them at the gym or at church? It would be nice to have lunch with the sister-in-laws, have my kids play with their cousins, or even enjoy a vacation with them.

To my family I am still Little Emmy. The sister that left town over a decade ago. Perhaps they remember me like I remember them- as they were when I left.

I don’t have the day to day reminders of “life” to keep perspective on who they are. Likewise, I fear when they think of me they remember tomboy Em, out riding bikes with the boys.

I get a dose of their lives when I return for a summer. I meet the new babies and introduce mine. I step into their sunny world and watch them as their routines stay the same and life goes on. All the while I struggle to fit in with the time change, and all the other unexpected events of being a guest without complete control over your situation.

When I leave, I return to a world unknown to most of them. A world very different from the life they live and the life I once knew.

They have no idea what my life is like out here. They don’t know who my friends are, what my community is like or my invlovement in any of it. Part of that is nice but it can be a bit lonely.

A few weeks ago, my mom stepped into part of my world. A visit unlike any before.

She came for a week and witnessed what my life is really like. She learned things about me you can’t tell about yourself.

She saw what a typical morning is like before school. She saw the paths I walk each morning, she saw the kids at soccer practice.
She saw the streets I drive up and down daily, my flowers, my trees, my garden and my door decoration.
She saw my grocery store, my church, our school, and my garage!
She listened to my music, my kids read and play the piano, fight and love each other.
She witnessed my creative moments and my crazy moments.

We talked all day long while doing laundry, dishes, dinner and bedtime routines.
Most of our nights ended with me falling asleep in my recliner. (sometimes in mid-secentance)

My mom saw Me. She knows who I am, what I live for, my passions, and my family.

It felt good to be seen.

Thanks mom, for taking time to step into my world!

 

Horribly perfect Day

Today I did not like my kids. I sat with them during Stake Conference and contemplated locking them up in an empty classroom.

I envisioned myself walking away from the pew and never returning.

I wanted to take the bag stuffed with coloring books, picture books, Friend Magazines, and other tricks to entertain their minds for two hours, and BONK them on the head!

I wanted to take the bottle of water (that I brought for ME) and dump it all over Jennica so she would know what it felt like after she carelessly spilled on me twice.

I even thought about walking up to the podium with the Choir even though I’ve NEVER sang in a Choir! But I knew the result of that would be just as tragic.

I was in a tough spot.

How could I possibly sit through another moment with these grumpy kids?

There I sat with a child on my pregnant lap, nylons too tight, water spilled down my side and two other kids bringing out the fists if the other touched them!

Once Conference was over I bolted out of there. Not even looking back to see if my crew was in tow.
I was on a mission. I wanted my own space- in the passenger seat.

The 45 min. drive home through rural NY was Heaven Sent. I slowly forgot my frustrations as I took in the beauty of Autumn. Today was a perfect day.

Beautiful enough to put a smile back on my face and love inside my heart for my children by the time I got home.

I love the Fall. I wish I could capture this remedy in a bottle. I know a day like today could solve any of my moody moments.

Nothing compares to a Fall in Connecticut.