Introvert Problems

Sometimes I put on an extravert hat.  I don’t wear it often but when I do, I think I wear it well...most the time.

Last month I wore it and ended up planning a Neighborhood Party.  I hate things of that sort.  For me they are awkward and painful to endure. 

It happened on accident really.  A family dear to us was moving and another neighbor mentioned we should have a neighborhood party before they left. 

 I happen to be a Block Captain for our Community Emergency Response Team and they advise us to hold block parties once a year to connect with our assigned block. I wasn’t going to do it.  The thought of it made me want to throw up, but a going away party for a family I loved had a complete different effect on me. I was all in.

 I agreed a Neighborhood party would be nice, and I would just count it toward my obligation! Invitations were made and just like that I was hosting/Co-Hosting a Party I never would have attended otherwise.

Oddly enough, I didn’t stress over the event days prior  to Party time.   On a Hot July evening Neighbors showed up with Pot Luck items, kids cooled off with water balloons, and adults relaxed with wine and conversation until we couldn’t see through the dark.   I enjoyed meeting the many new move-in’s and found myself actually enjoying their company.  Everyone seemed to be “People, People”  I felt like the only Introvert wearing an extrovert hat! 

While at the party, a new family I really liked invited me to their House warming party the following weekend and I gladly accepted!  In that moment I truly thought I’d enjoy attending.  “I’ll be there!”  I committed on the spot.

The rest of the week I dreaded it.   Every. Single. Day!

All week I was an anxious mess when I thought about going. My insides would turn and I felt regret and dread for accepting the invite.

The day arrived.  I bought them a gift and I litteraly moped like a wounded dog as I walked the short distance to their house, wishing I was under the covers at home instead.

Deep inside (WAY deep down inside) I was proud of myself for going through with it, and not dragging my husband along with me.   This is outside of my comfort zone in a huge way and I wanted to show up.  For me!

Two and a half hours later I left their house with a plate full of Indian food and some new friends.  I stayed two hours and 15min. longer than I wanted to. Many times I wanted to text my husband something like: 😫🤯🥵🥴  but instead I decided to be brave and be in the moment.  I never pulled out my phone.  I forced myself to be SOCIAL!  I joined the group pictures, ate food among strangers, and made small talk with at least 5 other people.  It was AWFUL to be honest!  They were wonderful.  The party was welcoming.  The only problem was I’m an Introvert.  It was an Introvert’s Nightmare...and I rose to the occasion! 

I arrived at the party feeling like:🥺  During the party I was🥳 🙄and I left the party  like 🤯

 I was exhausted.  My head was in a daze.  My emotions were everywhere.  I felt like I needed to sit down and process it all.  I tried to explain to my husband how awesome I just was at being an extrovert but I didn’t have the words.  I didn’t want to talk.  He reached for me to give me a hug, proud I was away so long, but I  recoiled like a threatened snake. 

 “Don’t touch” I half laughed but mostly begged.  “I need space!” 

#IntrovertProblems